


Never Have I Ever

by orphan_account



Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Kaikaina's seven abortions, Never Have I Ever, Team Bonding, Trans things are mentioned but (hopefully) not in an offensive way
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-21
Updated: 2014-05-21
Packaged: 2018-01-26 01:17:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1669373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“Never have I ever…” Tex glanced a Tucker and grinned, choosing her wording carefully.</i>
</p>
<p> <i>“Never have I ever gotten pregnant”.</i></p>
<p> <i>“Aw, C’mon Tex!”</i></p>
<p>Sister makes an assumption about Tucker's genitalia, her seven abortions are explained, and she <i>still</i> never manages to win at this game.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Have I Ever

**Author's Note:**

> If you've never played Never Have I Ever, basically someone says "Never have I ever" followed by something they've never done (usually something related to sex or drugs or something crazy like that). If you've done what they said, then you're out. 
> 
> Ex: Someone says "Never have I ever gotten into a bar fight". If you've been in a bar fight, you're out.

“Never have I ever…” Tex glanced a Tucker and grinned, choosing her wording carefully.

“Never have I ever gotten pregnant”.

“Aw, C’mon Tex!”

“Fuuuuuuuck!” Sis fell backwards from her sitting position dramatically. “I always lose at this game! The only time I won was the first round, and that was only because Tucker knocked almost everyone out in the first turn with ‘never have I ever team killed’.”

Tex thought about this briefly; so, Sis has been pregnant before? Tex had chosen to word it like that, as opposed to “had a kid” or something like that for just this reason. She knew this would at least get Tucker out; and it had a chance of getting Sister out. Now, Tex was one bit of information closer to understanding Blue’s newest teammate, and had somehow won a game built around having _n_ _ot_  done insane things in your life; although, given her present company that was not exactly unrealistic.

Suddenly, Sis sat back up, facing Tucker. "Wait. You've been pregnant?" Sister could only think of one way that would have happened.

Tucker nodded. "Yeah, I though I already told you I have a kid. Why, you think single dads are hot?" He threw in an eyebrow waggle for good measure.

"Actually, yeah, now that you mention it...” Sister lost her train of though for a moment, but found it again soon enough.

“Anyways…not to be, like, weird or whatever, but... they have, like, surgeries and crap for that."

Church and Tex shared a glance, quickly realizing what Sister's assumption must be. Tucker, on the other hand, just gave Sis a confused look. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Oh, you know, the, ah…” she gestured towards her groin. “The Addadicktame and the Cutitoffame?"

"Seriously, what the fuck are you-wait...You…you think that I'm a woman!? "

Sister put her hands up defensively. "No, of course not! I just, you know, think you have a vagina. Totally unrelated!"

"I do not have a vagina!"

"Oh, so you got the surgery already? Awesome, high five!"

"No! There was never a surgery! There was never any vagina!"

"Don’t worry Tuck, we all know that your life's never had any vagina."

Tucker gave Church a dirty look.

“Oh man that was a good one!” Sister faced back to Tucker. “Um, but for real, you never had a vagina?"

"No Sister, I never had a vagina."

"Ohhh ok..."

...

"So then how did you-?"

"Long story short?" Tex gestured to Tucker with her chin. "Loverboy over here got himself knocked up by an alien-no uterus required."

"Wow!" exclaimed Sister, sounding genuinely impressed. "I've gotten knocked up loads of times, but never by an alien. Although there was this one guy with a third nipple."

"Hey, uh, how many times is 'loads of times'? Just, ya know, curious."

"I dunno, like, 7? That’s how many holes are on my punch card from the abortion clinic. 3 more and I get a free tote bag!"

Everyone looked at Sis disbelievingly.

"Seven-holy shit, seven abortions? But you're like...what, 23, 24? 26 at the oldest, right? Haven't you ever heard of birth control? They make that shit in breakfast smoothie form for fuck's sake."

"Of course I take birth control! I'm not an idiot. I'm just, like, crazy fertile. Apparently it runs in my family. Mom used to always tell me that the first time she had sex, Dexter happened, and the second she got me. Then she would say something about not wanting to go three for three, whatever that means, and then I'd usually stop listening."

“I don’t think that’s normal”

“Naw, probably not. Oh well. Wanna play some more? I gotta win again one of these days! That’s like, math or something.”

“You know what-why not. This is actually kinda fun.”

“Awesome! Ok, Tucker, you start.”

Tucker thought for a moment.

“Never have I ever had sex with triplets”. It was a long shot, but they _had_ been playing for a while now. They could probably only get two or three more rounds out of a group this small for the night.

“Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuckkkkkkk” Sister cried, falling to her back once more.

Church and Tex turned to look at her on the floor. “Maybe” he finally said. “You should just pick a different game.”


End file.
